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Overcoming Adversities as a Gay Teen

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Devon Yaffe's Senior Project

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hi my name is done Foley I am 82 London  my name is Philip Radtke I'm sure years old and I'm gay hi my name is kid I'm 66 years old and I'm gay my name is Becky Ritchie I am 61 years old and I am gay  Gary Allan I'm 51 years old and I'm gay I will see more and I'm 47 years old and I am gay my name is Chris I am 18 years old and I am gay my name is Devin I'm 17 and I'm gay  hi my name is Fernando I'm 17 and I'm here my name is Beau I'm 15 years old I guess I came out when I join the Navy I was 18 when I you realize that there was a case decided in right was the only one of the world when I first came out I was 27 when I came out I came out when I was 7 years old  I would 29 years old when I started coming out  I was think 17 or 18 when I first came out why I was 14 years old I am officially came out when I was 16 years old I came out when I was in the 6th grade 1112 I came out and I 15 years old so 2012 I guess what he was quite young I was turning on with other young boys but I like I say when I was a father Flanagan Kmart in 1410 Curry Hollow voice and I guess I really didn't come out till I join the Navy when I was high school there was a regular little society that existed more than one or two or three  I first realized I had an attraction to men and I was probably  I'd say 10 10 not 9 pretty much by 10 for sure  no tell me no question about it  I knew play young age that there was something different about me but I couldn't really figure out what it was and maybe senior year in high school I had found myself attracted to a man for the first time and began to sink in and as I went to college it became one more thing  oh yeah I kind of knew when I was like 5 or 6 years old  I had a crush on one of my and I actually did some stuff to some of my relatives I'm ready to finish I would infer grade when I had a crush on a boy said another crush on a friend of mine where I used to live when I was about six seven years old I knew I was different and I realized by puberty just around 12 years old that I was completely different and I had attraction whatsoever for for girls and also boys  I think I knew looking back I think I knew pretty early on I had crushes on people on TV on crutches at school but I didn't know what it meant but I think you know looking back at 10 can you find out for sure about middle school for sure right about like 1312 right in that age when I realized that I was gay I was about eight years old  from a young age I always knew her that was different I think it was when I got into Middle School about 6 I start thinking that guys are attractive but again security really don't know that much so I was thinking oh I'm just confused I don't know what I'm doing I grew up I just came to realize that this didn't go away and that my traction for guys just kept going and that my attraction to girls just kind of play disappeared and so I'd say that sixth-grade I was curious about it but it wasn't until about 9 grade I confirmed that I was gay I do not know when I was going to leave Elementary School I like girls and then when I hit Middle School I started to like voice I did know from my own eggs when I thought I was gay and I officially realized that I was gay around December of 2011 and I kind of just started admitting it to myself I guess when you mean coming out when I came up my family but actually when I was in my room 49er was in the closet outside noise and when I was living in San Diego with my other half that we always had low rain girlfriend so whenever we had a date or something showed up with a girl but I don't really come up exactly after Harvey Milk sorta told every the Jets come out so the people know they Noah Gators so that started in that was I was in my early forties Arizona fast my mom died which I was a little hesitant ever let her know but my brothers from sisters which I had four sisters and three brothers Rachel person said they didn't realize I was gay and I could not believe that at this time  I always thought I had a roommate. we all have separate beds but  Circle that went in those anyway then do it to her what is that I have pretty much knew I was gay until I came out was a 30 I was 30 so that's the 20 years it was about three years from the time I actually knew I was gay until I find the kingdom  so I guess big time before the team's emanuela Channel Carnegie about 10-12 years I realized that I was at least bisexual in my mind in my early twenties and probably by my 8:30 house willing to admit that yes I was gay  so then I finally approved figured it out when I was 16 but I didn't say anything until I was about 20 or 21 and then I came out it was about 60 when I actually came out  so I decided I was curious in 6th grade but I didn't really confirm to myself that I was in fact gay until and then probably this summer going into 11th grade was when I finally started telling people that I was gay so it took about a year-and-a-half from when I confirmed I was that's what I'm actually telling people that I was it took me 2 years to tell my parents that I have a key so from the sixth grade today. buddy guy I work with that I had the hots for who is married and the his wife went to the hospital for a minor operation and turned out she died and so I sort of moved in and sort of still playing straight for about a month or so and then I should have confessed to him that I was Gavin main reason I was sort of hang around cuz I really liked it but what's gayer  I started would like me as a friend but it didn't like me as soon as young but he was quite surprised too and I told him I was gay because because I wish you could be heard somewhere that gays could whistle  and I was always listening so I thought that was such a strange thing to be judge summer in Gaelic for not one person  that I  said can you sing too that would indicate that I was gay was my best friend  and that was when I was 10 or 11 maybe 12 at that time and I knew nothing about being gay play then  I heard of Christine Jorgensen and  and I believe she was the sub really well-known transexual and I knew that I was very close to my best friend and I asked him probably about 12 at the time maybe a little older if I have a sex change would you marry me why was teaching at small town in the midwest to anybody at all I think it was two years way to any Street person in that town finally I had a couple of drinks with one of my colleagues and The Spill the Beans to him and he didn't seem to think it matters at all  tattoo hurt  kindness in so long I don't remember I guess it was my first roommate when I left home by roommate and what's my first event that was back in 1771 or 74 so it was like we recognize the first the first person I came out to was my was my girlfriend at the time who later became my wife listen to dating we both sort of the minute that we were bisexual and first thing that came out to like my best friend on he was my best friend just super super awesome and I figured it out I was so excited and I told her and her reaction was amazing she said she started clapping and laughing and she said I'm so excited for you and we just talked about how I came to figure it out and but you really really happy for me great grade first you know coming out reaction the very first person I ever came out to was my oldest sister and the like not her with because she's like my second mom but her and I have the friendship and I felt that I really trust so hurry action was she wasn't surprised but she was proud that actually came out  I came out to my two best friends but they've always been there for me and I just thought at the time being that I needed to tell someone and so I knew that they would accept me the moment I told them and so I brought them in my room one day and we're all hanging out and I basically said of them look so I'm gay and the reactions were basically they like for the screaming but not screaming bad screaming just like I'm excitement oh my God oh my God you finally came out you finally did it and I was kind of confused like we already knew that like will die so it was kind of a funny moment it's real motive for me to realize that I mean they they kind of figured it out already but for me to actually have the courage and for me to actually say to them they were just so excited and they just have been my friends and been there for me ever since I came out to my best friend of 4 years the I don't remember the reaction but I doesn't use very supportive I came out to my father because he had would be had been trying to get back into my life over the past year and I saw good time  positive reactions I mean I really never felt discriminated against because I was good and don't actually don't seem like I get along well with people either when I hit it but it's coming out it's what kind of a mixed bag as to how people react to me being gay is something that my mother who I you know has very to have an only child I don't think she ever  results that my mother had in the last years of her life the last election  seven or eight years of relied something from senile dementia  and there was a an inch send  where is in the nursing home she was in I was busy there one day and  Shih Tzu play the new that I was your son but  they were times I'm not sure that she knew she knew that we had some kind of a connection and she said my son's not gay now I wasn't talking about the topic it just came out of the clear blue my father was tremely extremely intelligent and had a very high IQ never ever ever made me feel that wasn't as good or good enough encouraged me in every hare-brained scheme die ever thought about what I wanted to do with my life and I'm really sorry that you know that he died before I came out I think he would have had a little difficulty with it and possibly I know he would have accepted my parents were extremely tolerant baby I see this as she's a tolerance in them in their dealings with other people and  I'm I'm really 4  Trey Smith how I was raised being gay was a whole lot known somebody to anybody then I can't think anybody I know has had a negative reaction of once they found out I was gay but it it's gotten better and better each time it's going on until the point where now I can be completely open with no concern at all is gay  it's always been about the response always there  nobody's ever released as you know perfect timer for 10 minutes  how have others made me feel regarding being gay it was a lot better than I thought it would everyone drinks something some of the everyone's most people very accepting my own my own family my my parents think sort of knew and that was it but they were by enduring and very supportive  I think people are has  well the one thing that's annoying about you know what people think it's like there was a moment where the family is throwing referring to me as all this is our gay brother or is it the gay guy that works here Order just about to become of your only Soul identity and the way that you're related to so I didn't really enjoy that very much but you know it is doesn't really **** after while and and you know you become a more complete person in people's mind I think that was everyone's first reaction is like you're the gay person and and then they were trying to figure out what what is that does the way others have made me feel well my mom's it's not that my mom made me feel like s*** but like it kind of bothers me that he wasn't so accepting and beginning you know but my friends they has made me realize it's a good thing you know who you are and and stuff like that so I guess you can say I am really happy because they make me feel safe and happy in middle school when I was still questioning myself kids would make fun of me all the time they call me faget and gay and queer and Spas difference between a push me around and they judge me just because I was a little bit different now getting into high school that was another story I go to Hollywood High and which accepting environment full of love and respect you know you used to kids use it used to get kids that are best friends with football players and you just see everyone get there's no there's no pay towards one another and so moving out of that middle school years I've came into an environment full of acceptance and where everyone me my family my friends my environment and so as I look back in those days and it was yours eyes I see that there was a little negative negative missed play as a grown up I'm now an environment. And I'm happy to be who I am the other people that made me feel very insecure to this dance guess they would believe me they would call me names and I got sizing have a lot of guy friends I had one girlfriend so they didn't do it meme Miracle-Ear very top  others have made me feel very invited like at school cuz I go by Hollywood High my family not so welcoming but eventually they got used to the idea of it Malaysian air family has a round-robin which goes around and everybody puts a letter in and I chose to come out that way we my family and to a person they said that they were surprised which really amazing because I lived in San Diego with my my roommate usually in my brother and his wife live down there where do I start a double dated  like I said me and my roommate bought a house with a one bedroom one bedroom can I can believe this I didn't figure out what you know if they think I was sleeping on the couch all that time or what but  it worked out pretty good I'm surely glad I came out family though it's only takes a Persian. Keep you don't have to try to me phone about yourself family was from my mother was the only family member that I had told I was gay upon my coming out the rest were friends none of them were friends from my childhood they are my growing up years they were people that I had met later on in my life in  flux I guess you'd say they were you know I was going from one point in my life the whole nother 20 in my fandom I  I'm just go ahead and set when I was when I was 30 years old I I stopped drinking and in that first can a person year I  came out to  the friends that I had and but not to my family my life is always been compartmentalised prior to that point I had my gay life over here am I have the rest of my life over here and God forbid the two should ever made when I stopped drinking I ran into I know someone who was two small become my sponsor in AA who month or so into  knowing him which each other ratings in we go out I go out with the group for coffee and such he just drops on me what night that he was gay which I hate which I had to express this affected and when he said that what's the Houston on bisexual  and when he said that I said I am too I went home and I couldn't sleep some really had a difficult time sleeping and he called and asked me the next day how I felt and I said I said well I couldn't sleep I said it like I know I can't take it back you know it's never going to go away and that more than anything in that in that friendship then  that is the one thing that I am most grateful to him for was it he got it out of me you know that he had the  he he knew what he was doing so I  that's that's when I really started to live a real life that was mine and I was like was like you know I'd been born I know this sounds so corny I've been born all over again after this way I had a whole new lease on life  it really happen that way I left Purdue and came to teach at you and it was  Wheatley clear to everybody from the day I arrived on campus or when I was living in West Hollywood there was nobody to tell complete truth  I didn't tell my family until I was probably 50 next simply because I'm not close to my family my parents were both dead at that point I wasn't close to any other relatives and I didn't really tell any in the family into a reunion was held maybe ten years ago and San Francisco my sister was there and I have to I never lived with and who is delightful to talk to her about my father who is hostile to me and Hospital in her and Abby to open the gate everybody in the family I'm at first my family went for my first baptism  how to design my brother 1 when I was thinking home call me back my phone number safe outside I think crap out of it came back my mother said that's what you get for telling calling your brother name and stop it that day it's to change my mother is become a born-again Christmas and now she called me an abomination called my carton cast The Great statements  I've been happy family is with her happy family doesn't care at all so between family members my dad knows he's cool with it my mom said he told you dare  I have an expression that I took from a play called forgot my neighborhood line was anybody who doesn't respect my life has no part in it and that's Enterprise cars  bracket for most friends was the fact that they pretty much already knew that one said that I was always eccentric which is a way of saying against that died was over-the-top a bit flamboyant the rest of the family  difference again they were they were fine the reactions were not even close to what I imagine they could be in my mind  so after I came out to my best friend thought that I would tell more people but it you know I think generally most of my friends were fine and then some of my family was really badly so my stepmother kick me out of the house  and I moved in with friends and add kind of friends that were really cool and when I got to New York and went to school in New York I met a ton of people who I slowly came out too and they were all fine with it and I met a ton of other gay people and it was really just sort of something that you really a big deal so it was very bad beginning and it got a lot better as I got older and I moved out of where I was you got to another city so I'll start with my family after I told my big sister she's decided you should have a sibling meeting me and my two other sisters and we went to this like crap stop or whatever and so we had small talk you know we shared personal things in my turn came and  so I told them that I was gay they were just quiet but they actually ended up yelling at me like oh my God you're out you know like we're so happy you're finally out and  and so they were really accepting but when it came to my mom I had to use my big sister to accompany me and I remember when I told my mom it was like I think it was the day before my Green Bay and I had my big sister holding my hand and I told her hey Mom no I think I'm gay and she just look at me for 5 minutes and didn't say anything in can  please come looking and looking at but the way she didn't I guess  want to accept it you know she  seed saying are you sure know you're confused it's a phase you're going up and she was like whoa no matter what I'll still love you but if it was still talk because my parents it really was it was different and bothered me a lot for a long time until she finally accepted it but anyways after I told my mom I was on a roll so I decided put on hang out with my friends and you know tell them and at the time I had two best friends here in high school or high school or whatever and I terminating they reacted like you know it's about time you came out  I'm never really accepting an yeah I need my friends all seem to be okay they were just like why did it take you so long on  you know nothing is going to change  everybody's reaction for positive  call Crystal start with my mom I wasn't the one to come out to she basically one day brought me into your room and she looks to me and she says Devin are you gay and it took me back for second so I was so shocked that she said this and it was at the point where I was finally confirming with myself that I was and so basically if I yeah until she looks to me to took you long enough so I have that was really funny that that's how her reaction was but she loves me for who I am and she just wants the best for me in that was very that was very exciting for me to hear from her the rest of my family very accepting of it they all love me and nothing has changed because I am gay I'm all my friends a lot of them are basically the same my mom said that was took you long enough you know I mean you have these Curiosities of like will they accept me but I feel like once you no the people that you were with and once you realize that they are your true friends anything is possible your ear new virant where you can come out and they will accept you I haven't had in my life anyone that hasn't accepted me and I hope not to come into that where there will be some next after me because right now my life I've been play accepting if I meant that everyone still loves me for who I am my mom was very good it was really hard for her and she always wanting me to have kids and get married you know perfect straight line but Mike oh my God keeps looking so well and he is very open-minded and my friends play Poison song I'm glad that whoever I told are still in my life my family it was kind of a bad reaction they kind of to get emotional and they didn't think that it was true at person they denied it and then they overtime got used to the idea and accepted it at my friends were very accepting of me they were like cool with it actually hate I do I remember when I first moved in like we got involved in a they had a raid at a bathhouse slave auction fundraiser for the gay Center that it's just opened and I remember they handcuffed is all it was about 80 people and they arrested and I was probably the first time I really felt anger but it's her to work to my advantage because I got involved politically stuff after that because I'm soaked that's about the only time I ever really help faded about being a victim of hate because I'm gay  like I said I knew there was something different about me when I was was growing up in my high school years in particular and  I was just sure if I'd of anybody finding out because I  I I heard the things that they said  about other people who were gay set back then we called the queers and in my in my fear of being discovered and my need to where you want to fit in I would sometimes participate in that that's not something that I have and I'm proud of it something I'm very ashamed of I don't think personally I I've been a victim of hate except maybe someone's yellow bag and I walk down the street that was wrong Conoco really I don't feel much hostility at home  Six Sigma being gay play that when I came out I would be around friends who would support me who would who would always have my back and I'm I was there as well I never hung around people who didn't know I had some real trouble being paid off attack never yelled at her every now and then but nothing that guy here  I never force myself a victim of of being gay I I know the people out there will use derogatory term describe days when they don't know I'm gay or before they knew I was gay but I am myself have been spoken the same before I came out anyone after the fact for for last which really isn't healthy for others also I should I support the gay like I do now  by the time they don't really sell a victim I'm I'm very proud of who I am when I was a freshman in high school I my parents divorced and I moved to a new school and I was very I don't think I would like super feminine but I wasn't super masculine either and I was kind of figuring it out and I got that's nothing to happen through your like the new kid school and said that was kind of bad that then for whatever reason they all just sort of teamed up and they're a couple things started by I got assaulted in at PE class in the gym and then it happened in the locker room and then making a hallway and I kept thinking it would just get better and and they would leave me alone or with some one time thing and it just kept escalating and school didn't really know to do there they were saying stop acting like that. Sit in the front row stay away from them you know they really didn't you tell me and then I got assaulted in a classroom and so I just stopped going to school basically and in for four about had a big struggle with the school and the counselors and my teachers might how can I safely be in school and not get you know seriously injured on that was really the only time this like a three-year period of **** and then after that and I think going for my own safety and I just wouldn't take it and I refuse to go and and then I'm sure the other things have happened but that stands out as one of the big moment I had to really take care of myself and and decide you know what was best for me  no actually I haven't felt of a theme from like being gay or anything like I haven't been bullied or anything like that like I haven't  victim of Hit YouTube I say that in my lifetime I was close to being a victim but I overcame it in middle school and I said I was bullied and called different name and at that time I didn't know what to do with myself I knew I was different and I didn't accept myself for who I was and so there was a point in my life where I almost turned to committing suicide and I didn't know where to go with my life because everyone was just was against me and I didn't have anyone to talk but as I got into the later years of my middle school in 8th grade I was in single to production where it was a drama Stills class in which it was an accepting that was for anyone that just wants to be accepted and to express themselves on the stage and from that I turn my life around and I noun to the Arts in my life so forth and it is change my life and so where the question is have you been a victim I was closed but I feel like I ever came victimization know I have no big dumb of hating something I have been a victim of hey by many people by my family even they just like told me I was in the mama Nation disgusting cuz I like men and it really hurt  yeah I guess so you can not be discriminated against and not sympathize with anybody else's been discriminated it's because you know how it can be for you not that people like you for no other reason than Who You Are  bespoke being gay definitely changed how I feel other people the group I think the World At Large I do not understand any formal segregation I just don't I'm not just talking about you know living in a different you know and others can't I'm just talking about about how Society segregates you know one person from another  or from a group even more than that  I think come I think longer I have been how does a gay person the more liberal my politics has become I am hi get livid when I see me see any form of discrimination I get very upset when I hear any kind of epithet be metro sexual Beach appearance not really I don't think it's changed my attitude to go all set for have a little bit more sympathy with other people who are disliked by signatures no I'll stop taking my mind off the fact that I gave such a very very small part of who I am I look image of my individual married Porter individual down there plenty of people out there who disagree with me when did you choose when did you choose to be a bigot I definitely that being gay has changed my view on just like a people tell you the world  regarding discrimination racist comments the fact that I am I'm also Jewish I'm white I mean it could be many different minorities but I could see that it it brings the other people realizing that were all were all different and Noah should be judging  I think being gay is help me understand people that might be considered different or you know have challenges I think that were two kids with disabilities when I was really really young through middle school and high school and and when I move to like 17 years did nonprofit where we work with you said maybe there's programming this been cut or maybe they need your help and are getting in school as I've always to spend like a I get that I was that kid I had nowhere to go I know where that was safe so yeah it's kind of a big turn my light now to make sure that you know that that although I'm an artist I want to make sure that I'm offering something to kiss that I never had and I think I get it right I think I can see that you know your eyes I felt that way and I'm going to make sure that even though you feel that way some way to feel better find a good place and you know get through it who's on other people I guess you can say remained the same I definitely feel that being gay is changed my view on other people and other groups that shows combination it kind of open opens your eyes to see the ignorance in this world and show that so judgemental you know I mean the gay community as himself they are so accepting so full of love and out of that you feel the hate and negative towards us and I just think that's just ignorance because I feel like everyone should to accept everyone for who they are because they don't know where they come from they don't know their background they don't know what they have had to do within their life and for someone else to say that that's wrong that you are wrong is totally against all things because everyone should love one another no matter who they love and what they want to do with their life being gay happy my view on people I thought I had friends that were okay with different says people but they defended their very narrow-minded and it was shocking to see that yes I do feel that being gay has changed my another people because I'm really more open-minded and I see people for who they are on the inside not who they like or what their color is I can I'd really enjoy it I couldn't be happier being I might have read an article where usually youngest male in the family is gay and I was telling my kid brother who is about any reason I got three games of him so work done good for me  Android you know being gay  today I really do I I into comfort with who I am it's just it's just been whole life changing life-changing thing for me I'm I'm a better person for being an out gay person because it's really freed me from from things that I would do that would be good and quote adult doesn't listen I'm not I'm far from perfect but let me put it this way now K person  has allowed me better Karma you know in Christian terms I think I'm double shot of heaven really not much of anything at all I'm happy I enjoy my life or doesn't really have that much of an effect how to make a game what you like being Brown X what's it like being a male with the material I don't know what that means body has been told us at the people community that the men are contaminant and the women are what does the social contract allow that kind of thing is gone is the guy with the Stonewall riots in 1969 big big big big guy for the skinny leg for they never work out their legs on his **** all parts of the body we're getting attention just drop concert we don't have to act in my phone I have to be honest when I was a teenager because we we put that and then Joe will happen and I suddenly felt so I'm just going to be me smiling  being gay like being free I could do what I want to express myself extension it being eccentric as described earlier I am happy I do what I want I'm a little bit flamboyant II  I just ice I feel I I'm free or to be me the many straight people out there I think there's a subtype society about about how men are supposed to act and because I don't have to be like them  I can be mean and I love it tell when sleeping game that is such a bizarre question . I used to hear that all the time and I think my answer used to be what is it like being strength what is it what's it like to have a crush on someone and what's it like to date and was it like to go out to lunch and go to dinner and go to bed at night I was like why I can't even you know it's just like anything else select me my answer and now tell what it's like is you know it's even more  I don't know what else I can add to that answer what's it like it's perfectly fine  what it's like to be gay to me is John question but to me it's nothing do you like me I'm gay and that's it but like being gay  doesn't change me or going to change me or I don't know if I like being engaged  I don't know if I can  is it at my personality is a person what is it like being gay to me it's kind of like being straight the only difference is I like guys it's really tough to me I want to be in a relationship is so hard to find someone who I can do the same my type and then also trying to get along with other people because  DCUO I'm attracted to a guy and then he just want to be friends it's really hard to find really good friends other than girls because girls are very understanding I don't have a lot of guy friends so it is tough for me to find a new clothes. but luckily I found one it's very challenging sometimes being gay and it's also very fun and I like there's different things when you're gay you know like girls come up to you more and then talk to you about their lives and stuff and I just really more open you and it's really fun being open with people definitely simple starter problems on and those days  Edward called Gay in the days you work all clear so fresh onions and we were like I came up later life that I was gay old from high school sneaking around with other guys that never we get a lot of double dating and stuff love it when I was in school throughout just about the entire time I was in school including college cuz I would go to college  I was going to go to college and then I drop out or flunk louder something like that I was horrible and go back and go back again I would say that the entire time that I was School  I was either in the closet or in later years I was a non sexual being that was sub that was just really given I I I had to be in the closet in school hi I am I couldn't possibly see myself being out because I I just I just knew I would be totally ostracize I've accepted myself since the day I came out what my colleagues at UCLA gay dead  when I realized I was gay my life just suddenly made sense and that's how I pick my license made sense since I came out and I've been perfectly happy and comfortable with it  I'm waiting for this question that I have to type my check you out of school the first male cheerleader of that school so everybody and told me that they knew who I was by the way ever since that that my high schoolers had at least one meal. I definitely had hide my sexuality in in in High School junior high even I knew I knew what I was whatever you described as bisexual or gay I I knew I knew that I like boys men and I did hide it because I did not want to be viewed as one of these as he boys as one of those that the guys that were gay and pharmacist so could hide cuz it's my boys and you'll make fun of him so I didn't want to be one of them so I hit it and  attorney Brett regarding it but it made me who I am and I'm I'm stronger for it but I would I would say to the younger generation you true to yourself and be who you are and don't worry about what other people think I think I I didn't once I figured it out in high school and I got such a bad reaction I did hide it but I also didn't think it was it just wasn't safe and I didn't think it was something that I could talk about her for share and there's a huge huge on environment of not being acceptable and we'll talk about it like it was a really really really bad thing so I felt like no way and is that me and I don't want to talk about it at all so I jumped yeah I took some sort of hit it and while it was hiding it a trans figure it out I didn't really have much of a way to figure it out no I didn't have to hide I always felt that  I would like an open book and I thought I could be easily read I didn't have to hide who I was then somebody would ask honestly like Oru guy would probably say yes  Middle School still finding myself so I wasn't really sure what I was but that time there wasn't a point for me to come out because I didn't want to address the fact that I was until I asked new now in high school I was fully finding myself out but at the same time I was hiding it beginning 9th and 10th grade be I didn't know who I could trust and who would fully accept me by the time of going into 11th grade I finally realize that there wasn't a reason for me to hide who I was that I was gay and that people can accept me for who I am and if not then they have no point in my life so bye I finally realized that I needed to come out and that there was no point of hiding it in my parents my parents and find out Young Thug yeah I had to hide it in the beginning of high school yes but I got involved with the cheerleading team at my school and after joining a Nike doing all the performances I became very confident and I just didn't care anymore like I opened up and I told everyone I'm getting now yes I did have to hide my sexuality in school when I was in Middle School but now I'm in highschool and I what kind is it all I'm very proud.  I think due to the fact that I was in the car I can't see any direct adversity I do remember one little incident up something but it was a wise **** kid being you know what when I was in high school you used to get your annual Pastor out everybody sign your annual you know and someone put a little something down others wouldn't and this one guy Brodin you up saying about it congratulations you big handsome homo  and Daddy he was up with someone I was never particularly  close to internet time off and nothing to do with it more out here than anything else in high school I didn't think of myself as gay or dinner for myself is gay and I don't think anyone else play the either so I really had nothing much too high I just continue my high school life no not at all give me a case of liquor in fact I couldn't handle I know how hard it is today sometime to come up again kids in the hallway baguette and all the other good stuff I never suggested anything. Maybe I can sneakers some kids they questioned me if I was gay and course I denied it because I wasn't getting up that's why I was bisexual I might have been more honest than from Alan and goodnight it just thinking about it I just feared anyone finding out it was though I had some kind of disease afraid to admit it sew-in yeah in high school my big my big issue is kind of a bullying and there was it wasn't everybody that there was a culture of violence at the ticular and so hot you know I got beat up and I thought back and when I I first thought it would go away and then it didn't so I talked to people about it and they were like good luck stop acting like that or you know do better do different and I think finally win when I got beat up in the classroom and the teacher I was like okay I'm smart enough to realize that this is a super dangerous place and I am going to get killed at the school or certainly you know . injured and I was like super small I can no way that I fight back so so I I went to the counselors and I said I'm not going not going to come here anymore and we fought back and forth and they got me a basically they got me a case manager and I got account runaway Center so in order for me to not go to school and get beat up I had to go to collect up my work and then I went to a runaway Center and I had to talk to her clear about how I wouldn't go to school and the counselor was like I think you're fine I think you're gay right and I was like oh my God yes and so we would let's sit down and I would do my homework with my counselor and talk about other things in my life that were more important like my parents were divorcing and you no real issues and um and I kind of got through my first three years of high school like that and then eventually the school made arrangements for me to take things and I got involved after school and I got on track team for the cross-country running team and and I think that's how I I did it on my terms and stayed you know safe as possible no I never had any bites hard adversities of a Clover Commons  if so if somebody were to call me a faget or a home or something turn on like I probably wouldn't really mind it it's a big contradiction I wouldn't care because they my opinion they probably stupid in  you know I don't need to pay attention cuz I'm fat the same time part of me wants to say shut the f****** like you know it's going to be business or you know something like that but me as a person I can just ignore everybody in there is stupid play the Ender Ignorance by the kids as I said who's at the point of committing suicide because I have nowhere else to go nowhere no place to turn to and if it wasn't for in 6th grade I saw my middle schools play brushing the just started that year and they put on evening of Shel Silverstein and I came with my mom and after seeing the performance I looked at her and I said this is what I these kids are like me I'm always the kid was full of energy and very lot of excitement with me and her to be gay and then travels energy you know fit in the one seen this production I realized there was a place for me so I auditioned that year and I got in for my 7th grade year and since I got that class I was in an environment hold acceptance full of people to love and not judge who you are and what you love to do and it just it just change my whole life and even today I've now carry on with the Arts and if I didn't have it I don't know where I would be today everyone LOL sign of always with pecan woman Park names in it it's really messed up in mine site with me like myself, but I never didn't know becoming some soul going room when I was a week I just didn't know what to do with the young in high school no one's ever done anything couple of words but I am very outspoken now so I guess in high school I became more confident and I will defend myself back in middle school was young so scared I was scared too so don't get it but in high school yes I did all the time yeah there's many of these I mean people call you bad all the time they derogatory remarks towards you and it hurts a lot and you kind of just have to push through it you've come into past you ignore saying nobody else's opinion matters but your own so you kind of just have to push all that out let it come through one ear and out the other yeah I guess I have I mean what are you going to do have a little self-love going on like I said was really quite glad when I found out I wasn't the only one in the world  Senator lot more of you running rough aye aye  accepting myself as a gay person was I was at 30 before I even Beacon to and that started when what I said earlier about the guy telling me that he was gay and I being able to say that I am too  yeah it was  that was the time when I was 30 and I acknowledge that I was gay too cuz I could except possibly parcham a prayer to that but never all of me another who I really want I could never I could I just couldn't and I didn't like who I was I wanted to be something different and that was the first time that it was like I want to change I want to find out more about what this is about I want to have a relationship in I want to have beat you know where I can be who I am around other people  Quest earlier that I was a college professor and I think I said earlier that I was confused about why I was different and I drew the wrong conclusion I thought I was because I was an electrical until I became a college professor and academic terrible to say I didn't like it and fortunately at age 30 I broke out of that career did something else but I take that whole bad decision and and wrong direction of my life with because of my my being quiet day and I'm I'm glad you wasn't able to escape  always accepting myself you don't come from children's family are first born I had my idea whatever going to be who I'm sitting and what I was going to do planned out a lot my family and myself again so I didn't think it was anything wrong with it my crush my Smile by Uncle and Cousin my crush and I dip leading movie stars on Scream 3 FM in my cart with milk it's not all your people who is judging you and you making that truck that idea who you are and what other people are saying if you defend and it's all you no worries whatsoever because that's who you are  no I have not always accepted myself it took many years it took the mirror you took God divorce it to Mike my child growing growing up for me to start accepting myself as II founding father find out my daughter except herself just in her everyday normal life so I've learned a lot through it and to my relationship right most definitely accept my but it was a working progress I always accept myself no I think I wish I could have said yes but I think first realized okay I'm definitely gay I think I went through a year of thinking no way that's not possible because from what I'm hearing from my family and insured and on TV frankly being gay is really really so that can't be mean though I don't like myself and I really believed it for like a year and then and then I think through the counselor that I had the runaway Center I think I just realized I'm fine and I did have a wonderful Mentor teacher after school and she completely loved me and gave me lots of encouragement and a great role in the play amazing grandmother who who is like look you're fine you are completely fine and I love you and and then and I was lucky enough to have maybe two or three other adults to who made sure that I knew that I would Wheatley fine and completely normal and then I believe them and I think you're right I sent myself so I mean it's now I can see that really only lasted maybe 2 years right I did not but then but I did and and I was right I have fine and they were all right it's not that it didn't next at myself is just I wasn't really exposing to like other things out there like I had I did experience thing when I was really young with like my neighbor and you know that was the only thing he was a boy and stuff like that but like what the girl like I never really liked games anything so when I was in Middle School I did have a girlfriend and I guess I like there and you know she was nice everything but why is it so bad it wasn't really me and that I really wasn't that happy and  I just felt that if I went and ate or I would actually feel something different for a long time I didn't accept myself for myself and then 7th grade started realizing that I K but I kind of took a step back and I said this can't be me this can't be what my life is about to be I had this image having a wife and children in just having that that reality that Society sets up for us as little as as kids and so 7th and 8th pushing myself back to say no you can't be that you can't be gay because I just afraid of my how my life would turn out to be and the worried that I wouldn't have anyone to love but I think I'm too high school I was more aware of the situation and it didn't open my eyes to realize that you can be a and live a happy life you can eat there now say so you can get married in and soon hopefully California legalize that as well University a couple's right now starting families were they adopt children that they they have surrogates to do that so it kind of puts him to skip for me that this life is possible and so one can a high-school it finally just came across me that that I can be gay and that I finally did stop that because it was who I was and I was able to live my life that way when I guess because I can do about it I went on I really just didn't want to be gay I wanted to make my mom proud I want to make everyone proud I guess that's was my goal and I wanted to make everyone be happy for me in like be proud of me and I felt like being gay I would not make any one problem but as time went on I just I got confident and I got to I accepted myself in  Nursery X rides like I do wish that I was straight and I just wondering how I would be but no I'm happy Holi the reason I have a reason there was a reason why I was born this way in but no I've never I good at myself I always used to say no gay Bingo bad I'm not gay like it's disgusting and all the stuff I've used to tell myself and it was when I was little maybe before high school like Middle School elementary and I just used absolutely I'm just absolutely amazing my life time I've seen gay marriage Utah who never thought and I can only get better if we behave ourselves I think I believe it's so much of the  of the progress switching the gay movement  has occurred as a result of mirroring you know doing the same things that the civil rights movement did and the peace movement did to achieve what they've achieved and  actually not what we what we will keep to it's so remarkable what's happened in the last 30 or 40 years people are so much more accepting now the fact that I'm pure Hollywood High School talk about this subject is something that would have been absolutely impossible for me years ago so that happened this past and gone this far I expected just from getting better absolute near 23 and it's not far down the line would be more than 5-10 years down the line right now old farts like me your guy thank goodness Timber green bean should be rubbed out like an insect and believe me there are some people who say that here at the Hollywood High School a KD acceptance of me and I see the acceptance of other students who might be feminine I thought I'd gathered there not treated every once in awhile I'll get a big account and I will confront them and I'll stay here when you say things like that professional and respectful and number to your out of your month because you don't know me  I could I could see a doctor I could be a present I can be anything and you would call me back so  CC people being right if it's slowly going away and I'm worried more young people come in and accepted pretty from all that will be. early the next Generations Atlanta generation also that they'll be more acceptance I believe gay marriage was passed by the end of my lifetime hope he'll be sooner than that but I definitely believe that it'll be accepted the guys don't think it's a big deal anymore it's at the generations die out even with those that are prejudice towards us and they're running that they're ever gave in their town in the family's the friends and they'll come around I do think they'll be more acceptance into already is I think I mean I also there is for sure already and then you know I might work I work in for Middle School's into high schools and the environment that I see for for the kids that John are starting at identify as gay he is one where the school is responsive and there's programs after school there's there's much more awareness and people are actually taking action if something's not going right and we had a case last year where there is a boy having a huge huge problem with another another student and it was all around sexuality and it was so going to be able to be an adult on the team and help that kid and those parents and the other kid figure it all out and everything ended well and you know that wasn't the case 10 years ago 20 years ago and I think it's just going to multiply and the more you know this generation is in leadership I think I'm like ridiculously helpful and already so much better there still a lot of problems but it's nothing like it was when I was in school and as long as I'm around it will happen and I think everything I've ever worked with would never loud happened and and message for gay people it's for all everybody having everybody should be in a safe healthy environment in and didn't serve young people are our way on target with that I think the next generation is going to easier time seeing how a lot of fun like amazing time clothes and you know lot of  people and stuff like that are really accepting and people are having an open for more of an open mind panda  we are meeting in the future things will be different for them and I hope that they don't I have to feel that they need a hide who they are for long.  I definitely believe that there be much more exceptions towards the gay community in further Generations I feel like already in this society that we live in that there is much more accepted already in this past election main Minnesota and Maryland all passed same-sex marriage such such that stabbed in the gay community then just to show how much that weed, it is crazy that that are the mean already right now let me live in 2012 and this is happening so just the things on the next Generations to see what will happen to them I am just looking forward to future where everyone is fully equal and no one is dressed for who they are and what they like yeah and the teacher goes on or whatever it was the gate community would be more open about it I agree I read an article about a lady Viking 50 or 60 and she was in the closet lesbian and she got married and I can't do nothing but eventually she came out to everyone and she got married so I'm guessing that hungry is your back then it was really tough for people to come out and this generation me it's a little bit more  AEV address come out I'm pretty sure in the future will be a lot more simpler and never want to see if I kept seeing people being it cast definitely there will be more accepting for the gay community because there's a lot of gay activists and there's a lot of people who really do support gay people and they will eventually get the word out there and are generation starting to become more open-minded about the Second Ascent oh I can only say get involved in things the gate things actually you don't hear talking about  closest Brighton store and I don't know how it's going to get much better I meant every just seem to have about everything we need in the way of the link I'll the galaxies anyway to any teams who are going through  the I the worst of the worst part of it is the isolation of being different and trying to hide are trying to fit in is to Elmo time to come out just right for you Cabbage Patch that's what happened to me it gets better and sooner you're able to come out  the sooner you're going to  you're going to be able to live your life and not somebody else's perception of what your life should be Deanna Hill you'll just be probably a lot of things and you'll find out this is good this I want I don't want this I think the most thing I could most encourage a purse who is to as you find out each part of yourself because you're 12 kids is  at the most maybe a picture frame in a frame around who you are but if it's the it's the you stand up against the piece of paper and they take a magic marker and they trace you know that your body the shape of your body and the more of it it is a truly what's inside of the magic marker drawing is she who you are and  not who people see I mean you you get to you have the opportunity to hopefully  and the support to become who you're meant to be flight steak and supporters you're having any problems you get over and stand average says it gets better so simply ignore people who don't like you you gave us  my bike kids nowadays as I believe me I know what time you going to the gym a lot go to find out which where you can go where people who are liking people who are cool Hangouts one piece if I send it to the program's right now call you everyday. Chicago Beginnings I had to work my butt off all the way already came out in 55 president was that might be getting nothing to do with it so I can prove to me that I would Bible at the Panera human being who knows what the greatest thing I've ever done in my life gay it shows the kids that you can be where I am if you hold on a little bit love hold us through it you find that one up there call gear to find Ted and we've been together now almost pretty for you and it will have shut yourself walk away from concrete tables Don't Let It Go if I could give any words of encouragement to team it does get better I need heard of some other people you for this from all generation today's today what is it working for you today will most definitely work for you in the future weather is tomorrow or a week or a month whatever maybe hang in there make it better light is fantastic with its ups and downs the UPS make up for all the Ella downs and grasp it run with it and  the power yourself because your I said it took me one and a my life is a fantastic I'm very very proud and I wish you all the luck  Caesar selling price  well I would give them any young person to say Messiah good advice that I got witches first of all and so hopefully they would hear that like I heard it and remember it later remember it now and know that they're there they focus on that date they will get right through it and I think the other things that work for me were staying really close to the people love you finding them and staying with them whether be your family or your your extended family of friends and that includes teachers and painters and on people in your community who who are supporting you so those books are going to carry you through all the really tough stuff and then and then when you're in the city that you want to be in and you're doing the work that you want to do in school or or at the career then it's all go next time you can take it from there but when it gets really tough for me I think it's for me I have a lot of options I had people and I had and I had to just trust myself and state for me with being creative and making things and really trying to listen to the adults that were telling me the good things saying you know what you're going to be fine you're you're you're good kid and you know Dad at 8:10 dad in the rest of the stuff I think it is Liza Minnelli told me when I in like the 90s just like other people are going to say whatever you going to your work for me that was acting and I just had to go do that make art make an after-school program make a whatever I love and let everybody else do their thing and you're all going to stay with her going to stay and never going to figure it out but we have to take care of ourselves and then you know is you're well and ready or able you got to take care of everybody else to that's my advice

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